How to Help My Child with Social Skills and Emotions: A DIR/Floortime Occupational Therapist’s Perspective

As an occupational therapist trained in the DIR®/Floortime™ model, I often remind parents that social-emotional growth doesn’t happen through lessons or drills—it develops through relationships, play, and connection. When we meet children where they are, understand their unique sensory and motor needs, and engage in joyful interactions, we help them build the foundation for lifelong social and emotional skills.

Why Social-Emotional Development Matters

Social-emotional capacities are the heart of participation in school, family life, and friendships. They allow children to:

• Regulate their emotions and bodies so they can engage in learning.
• Build secure relationships that give them confidence to explore.
• Communicate thoughts and feelings in meaningful ways.
• Problem-solve and negotiate during play and collaboration.
• Develop empathy and perspective-taking that underpin community belonging.

These capacities don’t develop from worksheets or scripted lessons. Tthey emerge through real, lived experiences of connection.

Self-Regulation: The Starting Point

Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, behavior, and attention. It is the cornerstone of social and emotional development. When children can calm their bodies, recover from frustration, and stay engaged in play or learning, they’re ready to explore and connect. (Learn more about why your regulatory capacity as a parent is essential.)

In the DIR/Floortime approach, self-regulation develops through co-regulation – when a trusted adult helps a child calm and organize through presence, tone, and sensory support. Over time, children internalize these patterns and learn to regulate themselves.

The DIR/Floortime Approach to Social-Emotional Growth

DIR stands for Developmental, Individual-differences, Relationship-based, a model that helps us understand each child’s path toward emotional and social connection:

• Developmental: We look at where the child is developmentally , how they regulate, engage, and communicate, rather than what age they are.
• Individual Differences: We consider sensory, motor, and cognitive differences that shape how each child connects and calms.
• Relationship-Based: We build skills through attuned, playful interactions that strengthen trust and connection.

Floortime, the practice part of DIR, means joining a child in their world, following their interests and joys, and then gently expanding those moments into shared communication and problem-solving.

The Foundations of Social-Emotional Development

Children develop social and emotional skills in stages, building one on top of another:

1. Regulation and Shared Attention – Calming and focusing together
2. Engagement and Relationships – Building joyful, trusting connections
3. Two-Way Communication – Taking turns and expressing needs
4. Shared Problem-Solving – Collaborating through play and exploration
5. Symbolic and Creative Thinking – Using imagination and pretend play
6. Logical and Reflective Thinking – Understanding emotions and perspectives

Children move back and forth between these stages depending on stress, environment, and support. Regulation underpins every level—without it, social learning is much harder to achieve.

How Occupational Therapy Can Help

Occupational therapists trained in the DIR/Floortime approach help children build social and emotional skills through everyday interactions and routines. Here’s how:

• Model co-regulation with calming sensory and emotional strategies
• Coach caregivers and teachers to notice cues and respond sensitively
• Embed sensory supports into play and daily routines
• Highlight strengths and interests as bridges for connection
• Facilitate peer play to practice flexibility, problem-solving, and empathy

Through this approach, children develop not only regulation but also confidence, curiosity, and a deeper ability to connect with others.

Building Connection for Lifelong Growth

When we focus on relationships, regulation, and joy, we lay the groundwork for everything else—flexibility, empathy, and resilience. Helping your child with social skills and emotions starts with connection, not correction.

Social-emotional development isn’t something to rush; it’s something to nurture. And as parents, you play the most important role in that process, by being present, responsive, and open to your child’s world.

References

Blair, C., & Raver, C. C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychobiological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711–731.

Montroy, J. J., Bowles, R. P., Skibbe, L. E., McClelland, M. M., & Morrison, F. J. (2016). The development of self-regulation across early childhood. Developmental Psychology, 52(11), 1744–1762. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000159