I used to cringe when my kids touched me. How I changed my nervous system response to touch.

This is a tough post.  Not everyone will understand.  Some of you will not get this at all.  But if you do, it’s because you’ve experienced it too. Or known someone who has.

There was a point, when my kids were little, when their mere touch made me cringe.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved to snuggle them, kiss them and hug on them….on my own conditions.  When I decided.  I was over touched. They laughed too loud, they cried too loud, I was at my wits end.  It affected my marriage and my relationship with my kids.

Reflecting on my sensory responses as a child.

I have always had a thing about touch.  It’s weird too. I’m an OT shouldn’t I have seen this coming?  I loved to touch everything when I was little (pet a velvet pillow, run my hands on all of the clothing in the store, play in mud).  But I did not like to be touched (like if I wasn’t in control of it).  My mom would stroke my hair and I had to breathe and squeeze my hands tight just to tolerate it.  A backrub would make me want to get up and run away. It tickled so badly.  I always wanted my bath to be cool. (not cold, but cool).  Every time I bumped myself, it was like a full-blown murder incident.  I remember this…distinctly.  My legs felt like there were bugs on them when I first laid in bed.  It was memorable.

From Liking Touch to Not Liking Touch as an Adult

So, fast forward 25 years and I finally meet a guy who I really love…like really.  And I somehow can tolerate him touching me.  Well, we have 2 kids so I guess that worked out.  And then the stress of motherhood sets in (the crying, the demands, lack of sleep, etc)  it goes on and on and guess what?  I hate touch.  My husband’s touch, my kids’ touch, all touch.  I’m a hot mess.

I reach into my OT tool bag and I pull out something…it’s a weird thing let me tell you.  But it changes my life, and if you have this problem, it will change yours too.  

What Worked for Me To Change My Cringe to Touch

I used a surgical scrub brush and a brushing protocol referred to as the Wilbarger deep pressure touch protocol. This is a deep pressure touch protocol that has mixed evidence about whether or not it actually works. But I’ll tell you for me, it did. 

It also helped my daughter when she had some trouble during her teen years with accepting touch. She used the brush periodically throughout the day in a particular fashion paired with intensive physical activity that her occupational therapist (me) prescribed to her.

In the end, it allowed her to accept important physical touch like a hug from her mother and a back rub or pat on the back when she did something well. It really changed our relationship. I could accept hugs from her and she could accept them for me. She even let me kiss her. 

She’s 19 now, and sometimes she still brushes herself. I am 47, and sometimes, I still brush myself.