Do Autistic Toddlers Not Like Rules? Or Sitting Still?

Toddlers have a natural drive to explore, play, and express themselves in ways that may not always fit the “rules.” For autistic toddlers, this can sometimes feel even more intense. You might find yourself wondering, Why does my toddler not like following rules? Or sitting still? It’s a great question, and understanding the why behind these behaviors is key to helping your child thrive. Let’s dive into what’s happening from an OT (occupational therapy) perspective and how to support your autistic toddler’s needs.

The Sensory World of Autistic Toddlers

One major reason autistic toddlers may resist sitting still or following rules is related to sensory processing differences. These differences mean your child might experience sensory input in ways that can feel overwhelming or distracting. For example, the feeling of sitting still might cause discomfort or distress because their body craves more movement or input.

Think about it: Have you ever felt fidgety in a long meeting or found it hard to focus on something that’s not interesting? For some toddlers, that sensation is heightened and constant.

Rules Can Be Hard to Understand

Autistic toddlers may also have difficulty understanding abstract concepts like rules. Rules often require flexibility and an understanding of social expectations that may not be immediately clear. Instead of rules feeling like helpful guidelines, they can seem confusing or frustrating. This is because they’re not tied to the immediate, concrete world that the toddler understands.

A child who struggles to follow a rule might not be defiant. They may simply not yet understand the reason behind the rule or how to apply it in different situations. In some cases, routines and predictability can be more comforting and easier to navigate.

Movement is Often a Need, Not a Want

When it comes to sitting still, this is another area where sensory processing plays a role. Some toddlers have a natural need for movement in order to focus or calm their bodies. The urge to move constantly can stem from needing proprioceptive (body awareness) input, which helps them feel grounded and regulated. How to support your autistic toddler’s needs in this area often involves understanding their need for movement. By incorporating sensory strategies we can help them stay regulated.

If a toddler is asked to sit still for a long period, they might be struggling to stay regulated. This can come out as restlessness or even frustration. Movement is often a toddler’s way of helping their body process sensory information and self-regulate. You can learn more about these sensory sensitivities in this Autism Speaks article on sensory issues, which provides more insight into how sensory processing can impact behavior.

How to Support Your Child’s Needs

If you’re wondering how to support your toddler through these challenges, here are some tips that can help make a big difference:

1. Create a Routine: ✅ Routines can offer predictability and reduce anxiety around rules. It’s easier for a toddler to follow expectations when they know what comes next.
2. Use Visuals: 🖼️ For some toddlers, visual supports like picture schedules or social stories can help clarify rules and expectations. These visuals give concrete examples of what’s expected, which can make abstract rules more understandable.
3. Incorporate Movement: 🤸‍♂️ If your toddler has trouble sitting still, build movement breaks into your routine. Sensory-friendly activities like jumping on a trampoline, swinging, or crawling through tunnels can help them regulate their bodies. It can also help them to stay focused during structured activities.
4. Keep Instructions Clear and Simple: ✨ Try to give one clear instruction at a time and use language your child can understand. If they struggle with verbal directions, showing them what to do (modeling) can be more time to adjust and process information. 
5. Be Patient and Flexible: 🕰️ Remember, toddlers (especially those with sensory processing differences) may need more time to adjust and process information. Being patient and flexible with your expectations can help reduce frustration for both you and your child. It’s important to celebrate small successes and understand that progress may look different for each child.
6. Focus on Positive Reinforcement: 🌟 Instead of focusing solely on what your toddler is not doing, highlight the things they are doing well. Positive reinforcement can encourage them to engage in the behavior you’re aiming for, whether it’s following a rule or sitting still for a short period.
7. Work with an Occupational Therapist: 💙 An OT can help you create personalized strategies that align with your child’s sensory and developmental needs. They can also assist with building coping skills and working on self-regulation, which can make it easier for your toddler to navigate rules and routines.

Understanding why autistic toddlers might resist rules or sitting still is crucial. It’s not about defiance—it’s about sensory differences, communication challenges, and developmental needs. By incorporating sensory-friendly strategies, adjusting expectations, and offering support, you can learn how to support your autistic toddler’s needs in a way that honors their unique abilities.

Every toddler has their own pace, and with the right tools and support, they can thrive in their own time. It’s important to remember that progress isn’t always linear—some days may feel more challenging than others, but with consistency, patience, and a focus on their strengths, your toddler will continue to grow and develop. Embrace the journey, celebrate small wins, and know that your child is learning and adapting in ways that are meaningful to them.