Encouraging Reciprocal Play with Your Toddler

What is Reciprocal Play?

Reciprocal play occurs when your child is engaged with another person and participating in some kind of back and forth action or exchange. A classic example of this is peek-a-boo! When your child covers their face and then pops out, you reciprocate with a surprised face and “peek-a-boo”! You initiate the action, and your child offers a response, creating a back and forth social interaction. 

Your entertaining actions and positive responses to your child turn this action into an engaging game and fosters the social connection. This type of responsive social exchange helps to lay the foundation for your child’s social and emotional development. Finding ways to engage your child in reciprocal play can be a wonderful way to connect with your child and support their social and emotional development.

Fostering Positive Social Conneciton

While reciprocal play involves some kind of social exchange, it’s important to note that the purpose is to foster a positive social connection. This means that the play should be something your child will not only participate in, but also something the child enjoys and connects with you while doing. For every child, what fosters this connection and what this connection looks like might be very different. The important thing is to observe your child’s interests and follow their lead to discover what kinds of reciprocal play really support that connection for them.

Take a game of peek-a-boo for example:

You are sitting on the floor, playing with little Zahir. You attempt to initiate a game of peek-a-boo with him, by hiding your face and then popping out excitedly. He briefly alerts to your loud voice, then goes back to looking at the stuffed bear he is holding. It appears that, for Zahir, this game just isn’t fostering that social connection you’re looking for. However, you notice what he is focused on, the stuffed bear!

You quickly find a stuffed toy of your own and show it to Zahir. When he seems to take an interest, you throw a little blanket over the toy, then pull it out, shouting, “peek-a-boo!” Zahir observes this action intently so you repeat it. The second time, he begins to smile, and the third he is laughing. Zahir appears to be enjoying this activity. You decide to try to expand it a little by showing Zahir how he can hide his own bear. You naturally begin to take turns hiding your toys and revealing them, watching as the other person does the action and both laughing every time.

You’ve found a way to foster a true social connection through reciprocal play with Zahir by observing him and following his interest. 

Games That Promote Reciprocal Play

In addition to the classic peek-a-boo, there are many other games and activities you can do to support your child’s development of reciprocal play skills. Here are a few ideas to get your started.

Throw and Catch Ball Games

Try encouraging your child to throw a ball back and forth. Follow their lead to experiment with other reciprocal actions with the ball such as rolling or kicking the ball. This is a simple and rewarding way to engage in reciprocal play with a gross motor component and satisfying cause and effect.

Silly Sneezing Game

A silly game to initiate with your child is the pretend sneezing, “Achoo” game. Place a small/light toy on your head, act out an exaggerated sneezing action and say “achoo!” while having the toy fall off of your head. Observe your child’s reaction. If they appear interested, repeat this action, and encourage them to do the same. Try taking turns sneezing and responding, or match your sneezing to do so at the same time.

Funny Faces

Even the simple act of making funny faces can be turned into a reciprocal game. When your child makes a funny face, try imitating them, then coming up with a funny face of your own. Go back and forth making funny faces and responding to each other. You can do this with silly actions as well.

Spider Splat

Spider Splat is a game that involves slowly creeping your fingers towards your child and saying “spider, spider,” to engage them. Show your child how they can use their hand to gently squish the “spider” and shout “SPLAT”. Take turns being the spider and the splatter, find ways to make it silly and fun like having your spider gently tickle your child, or sneak out from behind an object.

Riding on a Pony

This is a fun game that involves the adult seated on the ground with their legs extended and the child seated on their knees facing them. Gently bounce the child up and down on your knees and sing a simple song or chant as you go. Try varying your speed and cadence and pay attention to how your child responds. Make the game reciprocal by encouraging the child to sing along, request faster/slower/more/stop, or even simply looking at each other and communicating non-verbally. 

Pony Chant: “Riding on a pony, riding on a pony, clippity clop, first we go fast/slow/sideways…. and then we stop!”

These are a few simple games to get you thinking about how you can engage your child in reciprocal play. The most important aspect of any of these activities is observing and reacting to your child’s attempts to engage in a positive way, to encourage and expand on these efforts. If you are struggling to connect with your child or your child is having difficulty engaging with others, consider consulting a professional such as an occupational therapist. An occupational therapist can assist you with understanding how to best support your child’s social and emotional development.

If you’re in the Bay Area, and considering occupational therapy for your child, feel free to complete our intake form here. Please note: We are a MOBILE therapy service.  This means we come to your home, daycare, preschool or school. We do not have an option for in office visits at this time.  We only serve the following locations: Mountain View, Los Altos, Sunnyvale, Palo Alto, Cupertino, Santa Clara.